10 Steps to Stop Resisting Delegating and Finally Release Control
And what codependency looks like as a business owner.
You likely started your business to have more freedom. Time freedom, decision freedom, and freedom to follow your passion.
But more often than not, you aren’t feeling freedom.
You are feeling pressure.
You are feeling burned out.
You are feeling overwhelmed
You are pulled in every direction… and there’s always more to do.
You are often exhausted and bitter about having everything fall on your shoulders, but at the same time you feel trapped and like there's no way out from under this pile of responsibility. Everything would crumble without you and you need to do it all or it won’t be done correctly.
If you resonate with any of the above statements, you are not alone. These statements are more often true for small business owners than they are false. The good news is that there is a solution and a path forward. This path back to freedom lies in diving into a world that seems to send people the wrong message about its definition.
The word - codependency.
Did you just cringe and think twice about continuing to read this? Pause. Take a breath.
Codependency does not mean what you think it does.
It doesn’t mean that you aren’t independent. It doesn’t mean that you can’t survive without others or that you allow others to depend entirely on you.
Most entrepreneurs are overachievers; we over-function and over-perform. The outcome of our extreme efforts is that we have a high capability to do most things and to do them pretty well.
We’ve had a lot of success in life by working hard, hustling, and doing it all - without support. Combine over-functioning with the internal drive to not fail that fuels entrepreneurs, and you are unlikely to choose delegation naturally.
Codependency is actually a lack of boundaries towards others.
This disordered boundary can often mean that we think we need to do everything or help everyone. It means that we can’t let go of the control we want to have over everything. Does this sound familiar?
Codependency can present as a compulsion to fix things for other people: a compulsion to do everything. Codependency creates an inability to delegate tasks because you can’t seem to let go of control.
Chances are that you aren’t delegating because you’re a control freak on some level and you’re letting fear drive your business. This can be overt or covert bids for control because you feel overly responsible - to not fail, everything needs to be on your plate.
Truth is, you’re wearing a martyr hat when you don’t delegate and try to control everything. Business owners don’t become martyr’s overnight and they don’t set the goal to become them, but they slowly creep towards this title as they continue to do everything.
This is codependency in the business setting. Most of the time we are doing all of this at the expense of ourselves. It is not creating abundance in our businesses, in our personal lives, or in our own souls. It is not serving your purpose or your passion.
Codependency means that your happiness is in the hands of others.
It means that you are dying for your sacrifices. You are giving up your desires and needs for others. You are either physically dying or emotionally dying, or even more likely a combination of both.
It’s one of the biggest mistakes and challenges that small-business owners must deal with. If you were an addict of any other kind, people would be confronting you. What will your pivot point be - when you crash and burn, when you stop checking all of the boxes and become further empty and resentful? Or, you can take action now.
Ten action steps to stop being codependent:
Step 1: Get honest about what you don’t want to do.
Get honest with yourself that what you’ve been doing (everything) isn’t working and/or is not sustainable. Stop giving up your dreams, your passions and your peace in exchange for control. It isn’t bringing you peace.
Step 2: Chose not to do it all.
Accept that you need to shift your mindset. You do not have to do it all. You keep choosing this.
Step 3: Make a list of tasks you don’t want to do.
Make a list of the tasks you do not want to do and the tasks you enjoy, and place no judgment on what is on each list.
Step 4: Let go of perfectionism.
Accept mediocrity. In fact, make a list of things that can be done on a mediocre level in your business. Not everything has to be perfect or done to the level you do it at.
Step 5: Create systems.
Create SOP’s (Standard Operating Documents) for the tasks you are going to delegate.
Step 6: Start letting go of small tasks.
Start transferring small tasks to someone else. Think of 5 non-critical tasks and start there. Practice your “letting go” muscle so that it starts growing.
Step 7: Be prepared to get massively uncomfortable.
Be prepared that the amount of discomfort you will feel to put down some of these balls will feel MASSIVELY uncomfortable. Do it anyway. Change never feels good at first.
Step 8: Learn to Delegate.
You’re not superman or superwoman and eventually you will burn out if you don’t learn to delegate. Invest in learning this skill. Buy a book and hire an expert, and then start learning by doing and by flexing the muscle. You will not get it right the 1st time. Have someone help you (like me!).
Step 9: Let others fail.
This is where they truly learn and when the art of delegating actually occurs. We all learn best by doing, failing and then trying again. Let your team fail, provide them feedback and keep moving forward.
Step 10: Seek support and accountability.
Hire someone who can teach you how to hire, how to delegate, and how to create more efficiencies in your business. When you hire someone, you will be held accountable because you are paying for this service. It is the best way to pivot your business and make change. Everytime you continue to try to do it on your own, the free way, you are continuing your cycle of being codependent.
This isn’t something you have to do alone.
Feeling resolved and fired up to stop your codependent habits? Ready to get to work? STOP. This is you slipping back into control and trying to do it all by yourself.
Instead, it’s time to seek support. That’s what you need most - not another huge task added to your plate. Truly pivot and change in a way that does not add more to your plate alone.
Book a consultation call with me, or send me an email here to get started.